I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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