Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
operation have a gay friend backfired
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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