This is not my ceiling
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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