I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
