Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
