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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
