I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
