community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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