I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
