So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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