It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
