spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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