I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
