lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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