Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
too bad you live with your parents still
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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