I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
