Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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