dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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