She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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