i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
