You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
