Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
