Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
