I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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