What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
