you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
