break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
