North Korea, Best Korea!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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