Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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