At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
