I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
