you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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