My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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