im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
