im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
