i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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