I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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