He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize