its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
