so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
