She said her name was "party"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
