i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
