i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Did I show you my penis last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
