He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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