there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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