after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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