Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm always down for nudity.
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