That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
