remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
