Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
