So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just invented taco cereal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
