i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
